Gay Dads Australia

DE FACTO couples without children will be given access to the Family Court to settle property disputes after they split up under sweeping changes announced by the Rudd Government.

Current laws deny de facto heterosexual couples without children access to the Family Court.

A spokesman for Attorney-General Robert McClelland said the Government wanted to create a more consistent family law system.

De facto couples with children already have access to the Family Court but those who do not are confined to state Supreme Courts to settle property disputes.

“The Government’s platform is to ensure family law applies in a consistent and uniform way to de facto relationships across Australia,” Mr McClelland said.

The decision to grant de facto couples without children access to the Family Court for property disputes will cut their legal bills. Specialist Family Court mediators are available for tens of thousands of dollars less than in the Supreme Court system.

It is understood the Government will also extend access to the Family Court to same-sex couples on the basis that they will now be regarded as de facto couples on equal footing to heterosexuals.

This follows a push by former Family Court chief justice Alastair Nicholson, who has written to Mr McClelland to urge him also to consider giving gay and lesbian couples access to the Family Court.

The appeal to Mr McClelland comes as the Government introduces reforms giving equal financial and workplace entitlements to same-sex de facto partners.

“As a long-time supporter of equal legal treatment for same-sex couples and their families, I want to see the Government’s proposed reform remove as much discrimination as possible,” Professor Nicholson said in a statement.

“Like their heterosexual counterparts, same-sex partners should be able to settle property and maintenance disputes in the Family Court rather than be forced through the more cumbersome and expensive state Supreme Court system, as is currently the case.

“It’s also important for the Government to give state and territory civil union registries full and equal status in federal law so that same-sex couples can access federal entitlements through these schemes.”

The move will be fought by the Christian lobby, which does not want gay and lesbian couples to have access to the Family Court if they do not have children.

Greens senator Kerry Nettle said in a statement yesterday she would pursue the Government on the issue of same-sex access to courts during next week’s Senate estimates hearings.

“The Government needs to ensure that they include the recognition of registered same-sex relationships in their same-sex law reform package that we are due to see next week,” Senator Nettle said.

“Labor cannot have a bob each way on discrimination; either they support equal rights or they are for discrimination.”

[Link: Original Article]

However and whenever the calling to be a dad arises, the fact is that gay men make incredibly loving, nurturing and open-minded parents. In this special report, Andrew Georgiou looks at the different roads to gay fatherhood in Australia.

Click on the images to see full size.

Doting Dads

However and whenever the calling to be a dad arises, the fact is that gay men make incredibly loving, nurturing and open-minded parents. In this special report, Andrew Georgiou looks at the different roads to gay fatherhood in Australia.

Parental instincts. Some men are born with them, for others the desire to be a gay dad kicks in later in life. Gay Dads Australia is a national group of gay men who celebrate the joys of fatherhood through online forums, social gatherings and exchange of resources on their website which has been operating for just over five years.

Rodney Cruise, 42, runs the Gay Dads Australia website which boasts over 400 members between NSW and Victoria. While Cruise and his partner 39-year-old Jeff Chiang have experienced the joys of parenting their 15-month-old son Ethan through a surrogacy arrangement they underwent in the United States, Cruise notes that gay dads across the country have fulfilled their dreams of fatherhood through a variety of scenarios.

“We have dads who have become fathers through known donor arrangements, co-parenting agreements, surrogacy and those with children through previous relationships with women”.

Each situation varies, but the fact remains: a greatly loved child is the ultimate outcome.

Surrogacy

Mostly exercised through surrogacy agencies in the United States, this process is proving to be increasingly popular with gay men in Australia with the desire to be full time dads. Surrogacy sees a gay man or gay male couple firstly choosing an egg donor through a clinic and fertilizing that egg with one of the couple’s sperm. With the assistance of a surrogacy agency, the male couple are introduced to a surrogate whom through IVF, will be implanted with the fertilized egg and carry the baby for the couple to full term. The surrogate is in no way linked to the child, leaving the biological father and his partner as the legal parents to raise the child in Australia.

In 2006 Cruise and Chiang were blessed with their first son Ethan through the assistance of US based Surrogacy agency Growing Generations, which has helped over 500 couples become parents. Their affection and connection with their chosen surrogate developed so strongly during her pregnancy with their son, Rodney and Jeff extended their family network to include Kelly into their now 15 month old son Ethan’s life.

“Even though they are in the US and we live here, Kelly and her family are now a part of ours”, says Jeff.

“Women like her, do this because they genuinely want to help people become parents”. Cruise’s partner Jeff comes from a traditional Taiwanese family which has a long history of basing family on geography rather than biology.

“Jeff’s extended family is made up of people who have descended from his parents village who are often not biologically related. When you think about it these were the first alternative families, and Jeff and I continue that tradition by creating our sense of family as loving and devoted fathers to Ethan” says Cruise.

It’s inspiring to see that a traditional Taiwanese culture can embrace the concept of gay parenting, while negative sensationalism perpetuated in the local media can feed intolerance from with Australia’s wider community. While the costs involved in becoming parents reached the $150,000 mark, Rodney and Jeff’s natural paternal instincts will see them extend their family again when the surrogate for their next child is chosen in May.

“The concept of the traditional family is rather outdated,” says Cruise, “the genetic make up of a family is irrelevant to us. We believe a family is about love.”

Known Donor

The flipside to the surrogacy scenario is the known donor situation where a gay male provides the sperm to single lesbian or a lesbian who is partnered. The basis of this arrangement sees the single or coupled lesbians raise the child with any parental rights or responsibility placed on the biological father. Individual arrangements may be made where the father sees the child throughout his or her upbringing, as either an uncle, family friend or even as dad, though the parental rights are reserved exclusively for the lesbian couple. Known donor cases are usually carried without issue as they have taken on a specific role, which takes a step back from the role and responsibilities of raising the child. 39-year-old Allan from Sydney’s inner West is the very proud known donor to nineteen-month-old Zara.

While Allan spends quality time with Zara and enjoys a close friendship with her lesbian parents, he has maintained the agreement, which sees Zara’s mothers as her full time parents. “I’m very close to the girls and Zara and see them every week. My reward for the gift I have given the girls is seeing the immense joy Zara has brought to everyone’s lives, including grandparents,” says Allan.

“I guess I am seen as a satellite figure or even uncle, and that has worked out incredibly well for all of us. All of our friends have been extremely supportive of the situation.” Last month the NSW Government made its long awaited announcement that it would commit to amending laws to give same-sex parents of children conceived through artificial fertilization the right to officially registered the names of both mothers on a child’s birth certificate.

Co-parenting

Sees the single male or gay male couple act as a co-parent, along side a single or couple lesbian. This arrangement may see a child with two mothers and two fathers, which ultimately provides a double dose of devotion and love for the child. “The biggest issue for gay dads in co-parenting is working out a reasonable arrangement with a lesbian couple and maintaining it,” say Gay Dads Australia’s Rodney Cruise. “Often couples may site down prior to the arrangement and figure out who will see the child and when.”

Many Australian children may have four heterosexual parents through divorce and new marriages, the child of four gay parents often grow up with the extended family from birth. Co-parenting may see the child living with either sets of parents on a full or part time basis based upon a mutal agreement between the male and female couples.

Adoption

Adoption ofr gay singles and couples is legal in the United States, United Kingdom, South Africa, Spain, Sweden and the Netherlands, Australia has failed to catch up to speed. In 2007 a WA couple made Australian history by being the first gay couple granted the right to adopt, however since the landmark ruling no other couples have been allowed to follow suit. Though inter-country adoption between Australian and co-adoption countries such as China exist for heterosexuals, the same rights are not currently extended to gay and lesbian singles or couples wanting to adopt.

Previous relationship

Like countless other gay fathers across Australia, 45-year-old Gregory Duffy, from Sydney’s East has enjoyed the riches of
fatherhood through children born out of a previous heterosexual relationship. “I was married, in love and ultimately wanted to start a family and have children of my own,” recalls Duffy.

After the birth of his second daughter, Duffy came to terms with his own sexuality. “I came out to myself toward the end of 1993, and left the marriage when my children Victoria and Georgia were five and two-and-a-half years old. All they really knew was that Dad had left but not for a deeper reason. I did not officially come out to my wife till at least 6 months later.”

“Finally, we began to talk about a whole lot of issues we never touched on before.”

Although Duffy did not come out to his eldest daughter Victoria for another seven years, he recalls his eldest girl struggling with the decision more than his youngest.

“Victoria was quite upset and didn’t fully understand what it was for me to be gay, but after numerous long chats she slowly adjusted and actually felt it was quite cool to have a gay dad!”

Today Greg enjoys a wonderful relationship with Victoria, 19 and Georgina, 16. “Having two beautiful daughters that accept me for who I am and have never judged me for being gay has enriched our relationship. It has been an interesting and emotional journey, but to know I have had their love and support has made the road much easier to travel.”

For more information on Gay Dads Australia and advice on surrogacy go to www.gaydadsaustralia.com.

[Link: Original Article]

Greens Senator Kerry Nettle. (AAP)
The Australian Greens have backed calls by a former senior judge to extend Family Court protections to same-sex couples.

Professor Alastair Nicholson, a former chief justice of the court, has called on the Rudd government to allow same-sex couples access to the Family Court to settle property disputes.

He also has asked the government to recognise state civil union registries in federal law.

Greens Senator Kerry Nettle intends pursuing the government on the issue during next week’s senate estimates hearings.

The measures should be included in reforms the government was drafting that would remove same-sex discrimination from federal laws, she said.

“The government needs to ensure that they include the recognition of registered same-sex relationships in their same-sex law reform package that we are due to see next week,” Senator Nettle said in a statement.

“Labor cannot have a bob each way on discrimination – either they support equal rights or they are for discrimination.”

[Link: Original Article]

Same-sex families say new local and international laws supporting them are great, but more change is needed. Steve Dow reports.

THEY met playing soccer while studying at Melbourne University 16 years ago. Jewish Canadian visitor Sarah Nichols thought English-born Jacqueline Tomlins was “funny and smart and she didn’t think I was this North American freakazoid”. Tomlins admired Nichols’ “zest and enthusiasm and passion for life”.

Long-haired lawyer Nichols, now 40, still speaks with her Toronto lilt, and short-haired, bespectacled writer Tomlins, 44, retains the precise vowels of north London’s Hertfordshire.

Having been born here, their children — son Corin, 5½, and daughters Scout and Cully, soon to turn 3 and 1 respectively — naturally are developing an Aussie intonation.

Harmony is the shared dialectic as this family of five sit on the porch of their Kew home. Corin runs through the leaves of the front yard, punting the footy. His two mums help out at school; other mums and dads and neighbours readily accept them, they say.

There’s no obvious discrimination in their day-to-day lives but many same-sex couples find there are plenty of anachronistic anomalies that can kick hard in both Victorian and federal law. However, change is afoot.

British Parliament this week made it legal for a child to have two mothers and no father after MPs voted to take away the need for fathers when parents undergo fertility treatment.

The Victorian Law Reform Commission has recommended same-sex partners be both recognised as parents. In December last year, the state’s Attorney-General, Rob Hulls, promised to adopt the change, as well as allowing lesbians to access IVF. Tomlins and Nichols are cautiously optimistic that the changes will pass through the Victorian Parliament.

Nichols — who conceived the three children using IVF technology and donor sperm — works at a city law fi rm; Tomlins stays home and writes and cares for the children.

Ask Corin and Scout, “Who is mummy?”, and they point to Tomlins. The children call Nichols “ema”, which is Hebrew for mother. The kids have met their sperm donor, a family man with kids of his own. They call him Donor Dave.

“When people refer to me as ‘Mummy’ in front of the children, the children look blankly around for Jac,” Nichols says. But “Jac” or “Mummy” has no legal standing as Corin, Scout and Cully’s mother.

Despite being the children’s primary caregiver, Tomlins has no legislated parental rights.

The law’s disregard for her role, apart from the welfare implications for the children should Nichols die, has had a particular emotional impact.

“Sarah and I decided to have kids a long time ago; it was a very long journey having them,” Tomlins recalls. “I was there from deciding to conceiving. I was there when they were born and gave them their first bath and their first hug while Sarah was taken to recovery.

“For me, to still have that hanging over me — that I’m not legally recognised as their mum, when I am — that’s really hard. Having my name on their birth certificate would be an enormous relief for me, knowing that the society I live in recognises my relationship with my kids.”

Before their first child was conceived, Tomlins tried unsuccessfully through 10 gruelling rounds of IVF and donor sperm to become pregnant herself, travelling interstate to circumvent Victorian laws barring lesbians from using IVF.

Nichols was able to access IVF in Victoria only because she had endometriosis.

The couple want same-sex marriage in Australia, too.

They married in a ceremony in Nichols’ hometown in Toronto in 2003, given Canada allows same-sex marriage; so too does the Netherlands, Belgium, South Africa and Spain, while the UK, New Zealand, France, Switzerland, Germany, Hungary, Sweden and nine other countries have nationwide civil unions or registered partnership schemes.

The Rudd Government — despite a commitment earlier this month to amend 100 federal laws that discriminate against same-sex couples in areas such as superannuation, tax, wills and social security — has confirmed there will be no national marriage or civil union scheme for same-sex couples.

Nichols and Tomlins are not enamoured with the Brumby Government’s compromise: allowing same-sex couples to enter their relationship on a state registry, with no formal ceremony allowed.

“I’m not going to sign — I have a marriage certificate,” Nichols says. “I think you register your dog; you don’t register a relationship.”

KIERAN McGREGOR and Tim Hunter met in a chat room on the internet in 1998. “Tim had a photograph of me, which is a bit unfair, because he knew what I looked like,” red-headed McGregor, 36, recalls.

“But we were talking very easily to each other.” McGregor got to see Hunter for the first time when they agreed to meet late at night at a Hawthorn cafe, the suburb where they now live together.

“I saw this guy up the road and thought, ‘He’s kind of cute’,” McGregor says.

Hunter, 41, laughs at the memory. “There was an ease and an honesty and a respect,” he recalls.

They shared a white-picket fence ideal, and over the years Hunter, who had previously been married to a woman, “supported the discussion” of social worker McGregor’s wish to have kids. The two men eventually settled for an apartment and two cats.

The pair have a good relationship with Hunter’s parents now, but there was some distance early on because of the family’s religious beliefs.

Hunter and McGregor had a commitment ceremony, which has no legal standing, in 1999.

“We didn’t set out to mimic marriage,” Hunter says.

“We wanted to show to our family and friends that we loved each other and we were committed to each other.”

He says it was a relief they didn’t need a priest or bridesmaids or best men. They wrote their own vows and made each other cry.

Will they sign the Victorian partnerships register? They’re not sure. “I’m disappointed that it doesn’t have more meaning,” McGregor says.

“I also recognise it’s an important first step. We’ve talked about signing it.”

Says Hunter: “It’s an important legal recognition of our relationship, but I don’t think we need to sign it to demonstrate our love and commitment. The fact we’re still together 10 years later speaks for itself.”

Both men would like to see a federal civil partnerships scheme introduced but would rather it was not called marriage.

“I know there’s all these arguments that say having a ceremony is going to equal it to marriage for gay people, that it’s going to undermine the institution of marriage,” Hunter says.

“I think marriage does a good enough job of undermining itself.

“However, I’m glad we don’t have to go along with all that stuff. That’s one of the beauties of gay relationships; each one is completely different and we can make it up as we go along.”

[Link: Original Article]

ONE of the country’s most senior former judges has advocated giving gay couples access to the Family Court to settle property disputes after a break-up — a move that faces stiff resistance from the conservative Christian lobby.

On the eve of moves to end discrimination against gay couples across a range of federal laws, former Family Court chief justice Alastair Nicholson has written to federal Attorney-General Robert McClelland to urge a further shift in family law.

The reform would give gay couples access to the cheaper specialist court and its mediators — instead of being forced to spend tens of thousands of dollars to resolve disputes in the Supreme Court.

Under current laws, de facto heterosexual couples are also denied access to the Family Court. In the letter, obtained by The Age, Professor Nicholson argues the reform would ensure more cases are settled at mediation without trial.

“To force same-sex couples to continue to rely on State Supreme Courts, which are often more expensive and whose personnel have less experience in family law matters, would be a continuing breach of the human rights of lesbians and gay men and their families,” he wrote.

Professor Nicholson also urges the Federal Government to give automatic recognition to gay couples listed on state relationships registers. He says they are different from de facto heterosexual couples, because the partners have taken a decision to formalise the relationship.

In practical terms, such a move would also cut the amount of paperwork gay couples need to provide to federal agencies to prove their relationship was genuine.

Australian Coalition for Equality spokesman Rodney Croome backed the move, arguing the specialist family court should be open to all couples.

“State Supreme Courts are not set up to handle these matters, and many same-sex partners forced to resolve their disputes in this way find it cumbersome, time-consuming and very expensive,” he said.

But Australian Christian Lobby chief Jim Wallace said he had strong concerns about giving Family Court access to gay couples without children because it undermined the traditional model of family. But he said there was a case for gay couples with children to have access to the specialist court to ensure the best interests of the child were protected.

“The expertise for dealing with children in family break-ups lies with practitioners in the Family Court and we wouldn’t want to disadvantage children,” he said. “(But to give access in childless cases) would be the wrong signal because we believe we need to hold up the traditional model of family.

“It just removes a nuance of the fact that family is mother, father and children.

“We would want to preserve that definition in all law as much as possible.”

Gary Singer, the deputy Lord Mayor of Melbourne who is in the midst of a high-profile court battle after a break-up with his gay partner, said the reforms were urgent to protect privacy and end inequality for both gay and de facto couples. His case became public because Supreme Court documents are not covered by the same privacy protections as Family Court cases.

“One of the problems with being under state law is that your file is open to the public so anyone can access your file and read the affidavits and material in your file,” he said. “When people break up, they say nasty things about each other — that exposure doesn’t happen to other people.”
KEY POINTS
Gay couples should be able to settle property disputes in the Family Court.
Forcing gays to use the Supreme Court is costly and compromises their privacy.

[Link: Original Article]

Gay couples who are separating should be allowed access to the Family Court to settle property disputes, the court’s former chief justice has urged.

In a letter to federal Attorney-General Robert McClelland, former Family Court chief justice Alastair Nicholson said Family Court protection should be extended beyond married couples, Fairfax newspapers reported on Thursday.

Under current laws, homosexual couples and heterosexual de facto couples must rely on state supreme courts to settle property matters.

But married couples have access to the specialist Family Court and its team of mediators, which were available for tens of thousands of US dollars less.

In the letter, obtained by Fairfax, Prof Nicholson said the change would ensure more cases are settled at mediation without a trial.

“To force same-sex couples to continue to rely on state Supreme Courts, which are often more expensive and whose personnel have less experience in family law matters, would be a continuing breach of the human rights of lesbians and gay men and their families,” he wrote.

Australian Coalition for Equality spokesman Rodney Croome backed the proposal.

But Australian Christian Lobby chief Jim Wallace said while giving Family Court access to gay couples without children undermined the traditional family model, those with children had a case for Family Court access to ensure the best interests of their children were protected.

[Link: Original Article]

BRITAIN has forged landmark new rights for homosexual partners seeking legal recognition as parents.

The House of Commons unexpectedly threw out proposals that would have required fertility clinics to consider a child’s “need for a father” before providing treatment, enabling two-mother families.

The father’s role will now be substituted to require the “need for supportive parenting”. Both partners will be recognised as parents on birth certificates when lesbian couples conceive with donated sperm or gay men use surrogacy to have a child.

At present, as occurs in Australia, only the natural mother or father is automatically considered to be a parent when homosexual couples have fertility treatment.

The changes will be made to the controversial Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill, which governs stem cell research as well as fertility treatments and abortion in Britain.

Proposed “pro-family” amendments, including a Conservative bid to lower the abortion limit from 24 weeks to 22 weeks, were defeated by a large margin, surprising the Labour Government, which had been prepared, publicly and privately, for a major defeat.

The attempt to ensure the legal need for a father in fertility treatment was rejected by 292 votes to 217, a majority of 75.

The conscience vote on homosexual partners has been hailed as the most important widening of homosexual rights to family since gays were allowed to adopt children.

Fertility clinics will now be banned from refusing lesbian or single women treatment if they cannot provide a male paternal model. This reason has often been used by clinics who refuse treatment to lesbian or single women.

Cardinal Cormac Murphy O’Connor, the leader of the Catholic Church in England and Wales, said it was “wrong to pass a law” where biological parenthood was not recognised, “because clearly there must be a father for a child”.

Former Tory leader Iain Duncan Smith, who led opposition to the plans, told MPs: “On the whole, the absence of fathers generally has a detrimental effect on the child.”

Supporters of the new law argued that existing laws discriminated against gay couples.

Health Minister Dawn Primarolo described the changes as fair and said they were drafted to recognise the complexities of modern British life. “What counts is the quality of parenting,” she said.

The vote is a further fillip for Labour, which had a major win on stem cell research on Monday when Britain became the first Western nation to allow the mixing of human and animal cells in stem cell research as well as the creation of so-called “saviour siblings” who can be screened for life-saving tissue donations for sick family members.

The Victorian Government announced in December last year that a similar law to the latest British changes was part of a reform to in vitro fertilisation and surrogacy. The new law will recognise the female partner of a mother who conceives a child using IVF, as a legal parent of that child. Legislation is being drafted and due to be ready in a few months.

With TELEGRAPH, NICK MILLER

[Link: Original Article]

A CONTROVERSIAL new bill that will remove the word “father” from birth certificates to recognise lesbian couples who have children through IVF will be put before NSW Parliament.

Fifty laws across NSW covering the Local Government Act, Industrial Relations Act and the constitution will be amended to include new parental presumption protection for female same-sex couples.

The bill equates the position of a lesbian partner of a woman who has a child after becoming pregnant by a fertilisation procedure, other than sexual intercourse, with the position of a married woman’s husband. Lesbian parents will see expressions such as “birth mother” replace “mother” and “both parents” to replace “the father and the mother” on birth certificates.

Lesbian parents will also be given protection for their children under workers’ compensation, inheritance law and parent-teacher nights at school. Schools will also be forced to recognise both partners in a lesbian couple as “parents”.

However, a number of NSW Coalition MPs have deep moral concerns about the bill. On Tuesday the Coalition voted to give members a conscience vote on the issue. Shadow Attorney-General Greg Smith said some MPs were concerned that the role of fatherhood was undermined by the bill, which is expected to be debated this parliamentary session. It is understood Mr Smith proposed the conscience vote.

Minister for Women Verity Firth said the Opposition’s decision to hold a conscience vote on laws to give equal rights to the children of same-sex couples was evidence of the Opposition’s lack of leadership.

The conservative Australian Family Association is campaigning against the change.

Gay & Lesbian Rights Lobby spokeswoman Emily Gray said the changes would give children added emotional and financial stability.

[Link: Original Article]

An ever-growing number of gay couples are paying tens of thousands of US dollars to have surrogate mothers carry their babies, turning America’s concept of traditional family on its head.

It took two women and two men for two-year-old twins Katherine and Connor to come to life.

Their fathers, Michael Eidelman and A.J. Vincent, who have lived together for years, invested love, time and all their savings to build their family in New York’s Chelsea neighbourhood.

The eggs were donated by a woman in Washington state and fertilized in vitro with sperm from both men. The fertilized egg was then inserted in the uterus of a woman from Ohio.

Each man is the biological father of one of the twins, who were born in Los Angeles, where the laws are less stringent for same-sex couples.

“I am so glad that we chose that pathway,” said Eidelman, a 40-year-old dermatologist.

“It definitely has challenges on a day-to-day basis. You never know what is coming your way,” he said. “But, on the other hand, it is more rewarding than any other thing I have done in my life.”

To fulfill their dream of parenthood, the couple turned to Circle Surrogacy, a company that helps people find egg donors and host mothers and navigate through the legal and medical insurance process.

“It is a very successful business,” said Circle Surrogacy President John Weltman.

“In 12 years we have grown 6,000 percent with no borrowing whatsoever and profit made every month,” he said. “We expect to double in the next two and half years.”

When the company was launched, 10 percent of its clients were gay couples. Today, 80 percent are same-sex couples from 29 countries.

“Actually, of the 250 or so couples we have helped, all but about four are still together, a less than two percent break up rate, as opposed to the national average of 50 percent,” he said.

The “gay baby boom” has made families with two fathers a common sight in New York City’s daycare centers and parks, although gay couples legally marry only in one US state, Massachusetts.

“It is not looked at anymore as something so weird or strange,” said Sanford Benardo, president of the Northeast Assisted Fertility Group from Boston, Massachusetts.

“More and more people are doing it,” said Bernardo, whose company has clients from Asia to the Middle East and Europe. “It is not for celebrities anymore.”

The process costs at least 100,000 US dollars, with 25,000 US dollars going to the surrogate mother and between 4,000 and 10,000 US dollars of the egg donor. The rest goes to the agency, medical costs and legal fees.

Coupled with adoption, the number of families with gay parents is growing. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, between one million and nine million children under the age of 18 have same-sex parents today.

Henry, a blue-eyed baby turning two in August, has two fathers — Christopher Hietikko and Jeffrey Parsons — both in their 40s. His surrogate mother, a lesbian from California, has been made part of the family.

“We became very close and we still are very close,” said Parsons, a psychology professor at Hunter College. “We didn’t want to treat it as a business arrangement. We wanted to treat it more like creating a family.”

The two men don’t know who fathered Henry, but they will take a DNA test once they are ready for a second child to decide who will be the next baby’s biological dad.

For their first child, the sperm samples from both men were mixed together to give each an equal chance at becoming the biological father, Parsons said.

The boy was born in California, and the names of both fathers appear on the birth certificate.

The psychologist insists that children born in these 21st-century families are as happy as kids whose parents are a woman and a man.

“The research shows very clearly that what children need the most to strive and survive is a safe, and secure, and loving home,” he said.

“It really doesn’t matter whether there are two moms in that home, two dads in that home, a single dad, a single mom, whatever, as long as a child knows that he/she is loved and is cared for.”

[Link: Original Article]

Gay male couples in Queensland may legally be able to have a child with a surrogate mother if a review of surrogacy laws bears fruit.

A recent parliamentary issues paper reported that under current law people entering into altruistic surrogacy arrangements face a $7,500 fine or three years’ imprisonment.

Altruistic surrogacy is where a woman agrees, for no financial gain, to become pregnant and bear a child for another person or persons.

“The [Investigation into Altruistic Surrogacy] Committee is investigating whether the time has come to decriminalise altruistic surrogacy in Queensland and join with the rest of Australia in managing this issue,” committee chair Linda Lavarch said.

“In 2006-2007, only 14 children were available for adoption in Queensland. Decriminalising altruistic surrogacy may offer some Queenslanders their only hope of having a child.

“The committee understands how strongly some Queensland couples who cannot have children want altruistic surrogacy decriminalised; however, we will give balanced consideration to all views put forward.

“The committee considers the interests of the child as the most important factor here.”

The committee will also consider the conditions and requirements of surrogacy arrangements, legal parentage issues and a child’s right to information about their parental history.

In addition, the committee’s discussion paper notes that adoption in Queensland is currently limited to heterosexual couples and that Queensland law does not currently recognise same-sex parents on birth certificates.

After recent announcements from NSW and Victoria, Queensland and South Australia will also be the only Australian states that do not formally recognise lesbian co-parents.

Action Reform Change Queensland (ARCQ) spokesperson Rodney Goodbun told Queensland Pride the lobby group had held “constructive discussions” with the Queensland Government about recognising same-sex parenting arrangements.

The group will prepare a submission advocating that same-sex couples should have access to surrogacy arrangements and that the Queensland Government must also undertake broader reform on same-sex parenting issues in line with last year’s recommendations from the Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission.

“It is highly likely that this investigation will flush out all the old homophobic arguments from the Christian right against same-sex parents,” Goodbun said.

“But there is now a body of evidence stretching over 25 years demonstrating that children from same-sex parents have the same social outcomes as children from heterosexual parents.

“Kids grow up in all sorts of family arrangements with male and female involvement from parents, aunties, uncles, grandparents and family friends. The argument that children should have a mother and father has been refuted by the evidence that indicates the quality of parenting and family life is was counts.

“Gay and bisexual men, and trans men and women, with an interest in parenting may find that reform in the area of altruistic surrogacy is of particuler interest.

“I urge GLBT people to participate in the investigation by contributing to the ARCQ submission or by writing their own letter expressing your views about same-sex parenting,” Goodbun said.

Submissions close June 13. For a copy of the issues paper and guidelines on how to make a submission, visit the committee’s website at www.parliament.qld.gov.au/surrogacy

[Link: Original Article]

The road to gay fatherhood is paved with trials and tribulations. What could possess a gay man to start his own family?

Have you ever thought about what it means to be a man? Have you ever thought about what it means to be a gay man? For many of us, that question lies quietly under the surface, not being faced.

For most, being gay means being raised in a straight world where the social norm is still to get married, have kids and have a beer with your mates – without lusting after the sexy ones. But like all gay men who are brave enough to face up to their sexuality, I had to transcend these social pressures and, as you know, that wasn’t easy.

Living your life beyond the expectations of family, friends and society is a huge hurdle. The challenge for me was how I would reconcile my need to be a dad and have my own family with the fact that this was near impossible given that I had no knowledge of any gay men having children. The essence of being a man, I believe, is an innate need to create a legacy to continue on in the world after you’re gone. The fact that two men cannot reproduce makes me wonder whether gay men are an evolved breed of human that don’t need to reproduce or whether we’re just missing a crucial factor of reproduction. Whatever the answer, I wasn’t going to miss out on the chance of being a dad.

Why? What made me so determined?

I asked my partner this question and he said, for him, there was no difference between straight men and gay men and men that want to father children are men that want to create family structures of their own because of positive experiences in their family of origin.

One of my motivations to be a father was to be a better dad than my own father. I know he did the best he could but, to me, it wasn’t great. This motivation wasn’t a good reason to go and produce a child, though.

Having my own family is a nice side effect of my need to have children, but not the core reason, as is with my partner. I realised, through the discussion, that I wanted to be a father to keep learning about myself. I constantly reflect on how I function as a person during interactions with my kids and the dynamics of my new family. These dynamics have catapulted me into a learning curve that is constantly redefining who I am. My threshold for patience, managing frustration and working with difference has changed. My understanding of how we become who we are as people is becoming deeper as I learn about how children develop. It’s an amazing journey that keeps promising new and exciting chapters.

There was a time when I wondered if I’d become a father to be validated by the straight world. I think this may have had some influence but, like trying to be a better father to my kids than my father was to me, I believe this is not a good enough reason to create another human being.

My partner and I were financially secure before kids. The decision to give up this security was an easy one to make, though. It gave me a chance to relive my childhood experiences and reflect deeply on what they were like compared to my kids’.

I now know the meaning of altruism. Your kids become your unselfish concern. Though I get so much in return, it can’t be true altruism.

If you have a question for Robbie email features@DNAmagazine.com.au.

A GAY couple have won a landmark discrimination case after they were banned from becoming foster parents because they are homosexual.

The couple, whose identities have been suppressed, took legal action when their application to become foster carers was refused by a welfare agency linked to the Uniting Church.

After a hearing the Administrative Decisions Tribunal has ruled that they were “unlawfully discriminated against on the ground of homosexuality”.

The couple were awarded $5000 each in compensation after the tribunal found they were “deeply hurt, insulted and embarrassed”.

They lodged a complaint with the NSW Anti-Discrimination Board after being told an application to become foster carers would not be accepted.

The Anti-Discrimination Act prohibits unlawful discrimination in the provision of services on the grounds of homosexuality and marital status.

Gay couples are legally allowed to become foster carers in NSW but the agency defended its decision by arguing it was exempt from the Anti-Discrimination Act on religious grounds.

Legal experts said last night the case, involving a challenge to the Act for religious reasons, was “very interesting”.

“It is definitely an unusual case – particularly the discussion of Christian doctrine (in the judgment),” one legal observer said.

In its judgment the tribunal said: “The evidence makes it clear that a heterosexual person in the same position as each applicant would have been provided with the services necessary to allow an application to become a foster carer to be processed and assessed on its merits. We find the refusal to provide those services constitutes less favourable treatment.”

The tribunal refused a request by the couple for a public apology but ordered the welfare agency to review its policy on homosexual foster carers and “take all necessary steps to eliminate unlawful discrimination on the ground of homosexuality in the facilitation and provision of its foster care services”.

The Iemma Government has since flagged it will change the law to grant lesbian parents the same parenting rights as heterosexuals.

Legislation will be introduced to Parliament amending a total of 50 laws across NSW to include new parental presumption protection for female same-sex couples.

In schools administration staff will be forced to recognise both partners in the gay couple as “parents”.

A spokesman for Attorney-General John Hatzistergos said: “In relation to this specific case, the period during which this case could be appealed by either party has not expired and it would be inappropriate to comment.”

[Link: Original Article]

Jenni Millbank is a Barrister and Professor of Law at the University of Technology, Sydney. Jenni has an extensive background in family law and same-sex relationship recognition.

This is an extract of the advice provided on the GLRL website (www.glrl.org.au)

Please note that this column is information of a general nature only and does not constitute legal advice.
*NEW* Questions Answered this Month:

* Both I and my same-sex partner want to migrate from our home country to Australia. Can we do this together as a couple under the skilled migration program?
* The federal government lacks the constitutional power to introduce civil unions (as the power it is granted in the constitution is over “marriage”, “divorce” and “matrimonial causes”). What are some options available to get around this problem?
* Are fertility clinics in NSW and Qld prohibited from providing access to lesbians?
* Is it possible to become a parent through surrogacy in Australia? What is the law with regards to payment to the surrogate mother by the donors?
* What is the age of consent in NSW?

Previously Answered Questions:

Adoption, Surrogacy and Parenting

* Are agreements between donors and mothers binding?
* What is the legal position of known and anonymous donors?
* Is second parent adoption possible in Australia, ie can a lesbian co-mother adopt children born to her partner?
* Would marriage give the right to adopt? Or would civil unions or de facto status do so?
* What is the legal standing of surrogacy in Australia for gay men wanting to be fathers?

Civil Unions and Marriage

* What federal rights available to married and de facto couples are not available to couples under a state-based civil union?
* Do married couples have more rights than de facto couples at federal level?
* Some people are against marriage because historically marriage treated women as property. Are women disadvantaged in any way in modern day marriage?
* What is the difference between relationship registration and civil unions?
* If I register my relationship in Tasmania or have a civil union in the ACT, will that be recognised in federal law – eg for immigration purposes will I be treated as married rather than as interdependent?

De Facto Relationships

* What relationship rights do I have at the moment?
* How is de facto recognition different from marriage or civil unions?
* I read that the De Facto Relationships Act applies 11 tests to determine the legal validity of a de facto relationship, and that typically gay men can only satisfy 4 of these 11 criteria. Is this so?
* How do I prove I am in a de facto relationship?
* Would federal recognition of same-sex couples as de facto relationships take away any of our current rights at state level?
* Would de facto recognition at federal level allow a government that did not like same-sex relationships to ban same-sex relationship recognition, like the marriage ban?

Protecting your Relationship Rights

* What rights do straight couples have that I don’t have?
* What can I do to get legal rights and protection for my relationship now?
* What is a “domestic relationship agreement”?
* How can I enter into a domestic relationship agreement and how much will it cost?

Sex

* What is the age of consent in NSW?

Superannuation

* How do I prove my relationship for superannuation

To find out the answer to these questions and more, visit the GLRL website at www.glrl.org.au or click here.

Two of the participants at this weekend’s 2020 summit will represent gays and lesbians at the Communities and Families forum.

The Labor Government has pledged to remove 58 laws that discriminate against same-sex couples in tax, superannuation and family rights among other things.

But gay and lesbian groups say they’re alarmed by reports that the Government will not include these reforms in the May Budget.

Among the 1,000 participants heading to Canberra this weekend is Shelly Argent, the national spokeswoman for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.

She says a future Australia must include legal recognition of same sex couples.

“My issue is that I have two sons, one’s straight and one’s gay, they both contribute equally to society and yet the government and society is very quick to say that one is better than the other,” she said.

“Now I just totally disagree with that. I want my son to be seen equal in the eyes of the law and society.”

The Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission has identified 58 laws that discriminate against gays and lesbians covering tax, superannuation, health, workplace benefits and family law.

“I mean having same-sex parents being recognised with their children,” Ms Argent says.

“At the moment only the biological mother is recognised and the non-biological mother or other parent has absolutely no rights whatsoever.

“That non-biological parent cannot legally take that child to the doctor and be given information, or cannot take the child to school or necessarily pick the child up from school, and especially if the child is sick, because that person has no legal right over the child.”

Labor has promised to scrap these laws and has uncovered 40 extra pieces of legislation that also discriminate.

Human Rights Commissioner Graeme Innes says the Government simply needs to alter the definition of de-facto to include same-sex couples.

And he doesn’t think the issue of law reform needs to be on the 2020 agenda.

“Because it’s a commitment the Government has made, it just needs to be on the Budget agenda, so that all Australian couples no matter what their sexual orientation, are treated in the same way,” he said.

“Same-sex couples aren’t looking for any extra benefit, they’re just looking for equality, and there will be positives and negatives if all of these laws are amended.

“There’ll be some laws where there’s actually savings in the budget as well as some laws where there’s extra costs.”

But there have been reports the Government may wait until next year to introduce the changes.

Greens leader Bob Brown says the Government still hasn’t committed set a date for the reforms.

“Every day is a delay. What we haven’t heard from the Rudd Government is any scheduling at all, any agenda, any timetable for ending the discrimination which the Howard Government left on the books,” he said.

“It is time that the Labor Government at least followed up on its policy, which is to get rid of discrimination in areas of importance like matters of superannuation,” he said.

A spokesman for Attorney-General Robert McClelland says the Government won’t comment on what is in the Budget.

But he says the Government is committed to removing this discrimination and is consulting about the best time to implement the changes.

Rodney Croome from Australian Coalition for Equality says for many people, time is running out.

“At the moment there is no recognition of same-sex partners in federal superannuation schemes,” he said.

“There are partners who are facing retirement or who are elderly for whom this issue is really urgent. They can’t wait any longer for this reform.

“They need to be sure that their partners will be financially secure during retirement or if they themselves die before their partner.”

[Link: Original Article]

There are no uniform surrogacy laws in Australia.

Tasmanian Christian lobby groups and gay rights activists are at loggerheads over plans allow surrogate pregnancies.

There are no uniform surrogacy laws in Australia and Tasmanian legislation prevents infertile couples from arranging contracts with surrogate mothers.

Last week, the nation’s Attorneys-General agreed to develop a uniform framework to allow conditional, non-commercial surrogacy.

Tasmanian Labor MLC, Lin Thorp, hopes a select committee inquiry into surrogacy issues in Tasmania will influence the development of the new laws.

Gay rights advocate Rodney Croome welcomes the move.

“At the moment same-sex couples seeking to become parents through surrogacy are forced overseas and often into commercial arrangements,” he said.

“And allowing altruistic surrogacy allows same-sex and opposite sex couples who are childless to receive the gift of parenthood, often from close friends or relatives.”

The Christian Lobby opposes moves to allow surrogate pregnancies in Tasmania, saying the change would be detrimental to the children involved.

The Tasmanian head of the Australian Christian Lobby, Nick Overton, says even altruistic surrogacy is fraught with problems.

“You could have up to, I guess conceivably, just off the top of my head, maybe five or six different people involved and then of course that is really, moves into the whole realm I guess of blurred family relationships,” he said.

“Who is the parent and access for the child and you know very complex relational and legal complications.”

[Link: Original Article]

There’s no reason for New South Wales to be dragging the chain in same-sex parenting rights, writes Jenni Millbank.family-250.jpg

The majority of same-sex families in Australia are formed by lesbian couples having children through assisted conception.

In some families this is with anonymous sperm, while in others it is with the help of a known donor or biological father who is often a gay man.

Men in these arrangements occupy a wide variety of roles, from a ‘donor’ with little or no contact with the child, to an on-going relationship that is friendly and may or may not involve him being called ‘Dad’.

Children in all of these families have two mothers but have the protection and security of a legal relationship with only one parent: the birth mother. These children may also be deprived of a legal relationship with their sister or brother. Even if they have the same biological father but are each born to a different mother in the couple, NSW will not record the children as siblings.

A very simple way to solve this situation is to open up the existing presumption of parental status for heterosexual couples and apply it to lesbian couples.

A man who consents to his female partner conceiving through donor insemination or IVF is the legal father of the child regardless of his lack of genetic connection to the child. This presumption, in existence for more than 30 years in Australian law, renders social fathers the legal fathers of children whom they intended to raise.

A sperm donor, whether known or anonymous is (like an egg donor) not a legal parent.

This rule recognises the importance of children having a legally protected relationship with both of the parents who actually live with and care for them, regardless of genetic connection.

Such parents can then make important medical decisions for their children, can travel with them overseas, and can pass on property to them in the absence of a will. Legal recognition also ensures that both parents are equally placed if they later separate and have a dispute.

The biological connection of one parent in these situations should not be used as a weapon to exclude the other.

Providing automatic recognition to the second female parent in lesbian families should not be seen as something that competes with, or detracts from, the rights of a known donor/biological father.

Firstly, known donors are not legal fathers in Australia, so they do not lose any rights by co-mothers gaining parental status.

Secondly, in the vast majority of families, children live with their mothers and some have a contact relationship with their biological father, which does not necessarily require full parental status.

Furthermore, if biological fathers have, or wish to have, relationships with children, the Family Court has attached great importance to both the social relationship and their biological connection with the child, regardless of the lack of legal parental status.

Legal recognition of lesbian co-mothers is not about devaluing the role of involved gay fathers; rather it is about providing a clear legal support for the primary caregiving unit.

In 2002 Western Australia was the first Australian state to extend a presumption of parentage to lesbian partners, followed by the Northern Territory in 2003 and the ACT in 2004. This parental status will be extended to both female parents in Victorian law later in 2008.

Equivalent reforms have also been in place in South Africa since 2003, New Zealand since 2004 and were introduced in most Canadian provinces from 2002-2006.

The Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission recommended similar provisions for all federal law in their report into same-sex families last year.

Yet last week the NSW Attorney-General John Hatzistergos announced that NSW will not follow the lead of WA, the ACT, NT and Victoria, and will instead continue to prevent children in lesbian families from having the protection and care of two legal parents.

This stubborn resistance to the tide of change is lamentable: NSW was the first to introduce same-sex couple rights in 1999, don’t let us be the last to pass parenting rights.

Jenni Millbank is a Professor of Law at the University of Technology, Sydney.

[Link: Original Article]

Gay Dad with Robbie Fells
The challenges of raising kids can bring you and your partner closer together or, if there are unresolved issues, drive you further apart.

My partner and I recently visited Sydney and while my mum was minding the kids for the night we started wondering… Why did we have children? Without them we could sleep in together, have sex on tap and travel to glamorous cities. Why did we give up our overseas trips, go-out-whenever-we-want lifestyle and financial security?

The answer is that we both wanted more from life. While we enjoyed our recent free time, it was bittersweet. Ask most parents and I’m sure they’ll admit to not being able to live without their kids. I just came back from a two-week stint in the US and it’s scary how much I missed my family. I found myself in tears just looking at their photo. They become part of you and you miss them like crazy when separated.

How did my partner and I traverse the journey from kid-free and fun loving to doting dads? Firstly, we both wanted children equally. If one of us was female we’d probably have had four kids by now. I really doubt that being parents together will work if one person in the relationship is only partly committed. Put simply, you won’t get through the tough times. And there are many.

Imagine this: your new baby has woken up three times during the night, you’ve had one to two hours sleep and the baby wakes up yet again. Your partner has to go to work tomorrow so you have to get up again while every cell in your body screams, “No! Just go to sleep!”

What about differences of opinion? I want my children to go to a public school but my partner prefers private. My partner and I have more mundane arguments about what’s good for our kids, too. One thinks the child needs to sleep, the other thinks he’ll be okay, etc.

All this means that we’ve lost the spontaneity in our lives. Going out for dinner or popping out to a café now requires planning. Accepting invitations to parties becomes a serious logistical business if you have a child who needs to go to bed early every night and who needs food, milk and sterilised bottles at regular times. All this can cause more tension in a relationship than you might expect.

How are these difficulties navigated? Firstly, it’s a great idea to accept that conflict is okay. Ignoring or avoiding conflict is a relationship killer. Not discussing how you feel and bottling up tension is dangerous. My partner and I have learned to live with difference and to compromise.

You’re not always going to get your own way. Preparing yourself for managing and rethinking your own needs is part of this process. Sometimes the other parent knows better and you simply have to defer to them.

No matter what, you have to work as a team – one organises bottles and the other organises drop-off at day care. You should change things around, too. If one person gets to sleep in for a day or two, it should be reciprocated. You have to keep an eye out for your partner and make sure that you’re both getting a fair deal.

Children magnify any relationship gaps you may have and you have to deal with those gaps in productive ways. It’s worth discussing how you intend to parent your children early. Start the conversations between you and your partner well before the baby arrives. Consider discussing parenting with a specialist.

For my partner and I, becoming parents has only enriched our relationship. When I see him unselfishly giving to our kids it only makes me love him more.

If you have a question for Robbie send it to features@DNAmagazine.com.au.

Same-sex families in NSW are at a significant disadvantage compared to those in other states because without a parenting order, a co-parent has no legal rights.

Professor Jenni Millbank from the Faculty of Law at the University of Technology said that unlike Western Australia, the ACT and Northern Territory, donors and co-parents in NSW are not automatically granted co-parenting status.

The lack of such provisions means that same-sex families in NSW do not share the same legal protection as those in other states in areas such as health, finance and inheritance.

“It’s a whole range of laws both in NSW and federally,” Millbank told SX. “For example, if a co-mother died or was injured, then her children wouldn’t automatically receive inheritance from her. The child wouldn’t be entitled to work or accident compensation. Likewise if the mothers break up, the birth mother isn’t able to use the Child Support Act to seek financial support from the co-mother.”

Millbank said that, in the event of a break-up, while a co-parent could still gain rights by proving their involvement with the child, “it’s a very uneven playing field in the sense that the co-mother has a much higher threshold to meet in terms of proving that her relationship with the child is beneficial for them. Whereas for a legal parent, that would be the starting point, because of course it would be beneficial for them to spend time with her.”

Last week, the NSW Attorney-General John Hatzitergos announced that the Iemma Government will not update its legislation, despite signs that the Victorian government will seek reform. It’s a move Millbank described as “sheer gutlessness”.

“It’s an area where there’s a clear and pressing need for recognition where there’s no advantage in any respects to say that one group of children should only have one legal parent while another has two. It doesn’t do anyone any good,” Millbank said. “It’s not like we’re waiting for some results to come in. We have a clearly defined problem and a clear and obvious solution. It’s just sheer gutlessness.”

[Link: Original Article]

Opposition Leader Brendan Nelson confirmed the Liberal Party’s stance on GLBT rights in a speech to the National Press Club recently.

“We believe … in relation to people, that families are the foundation of Australian society,” Nelson said.

“I make no apology for saying that a man and a woman is a marriage and that forms a family. I don’t support gay marriage, I don’t support gay adoption and I don’t support gay IVF.

“But I sure as hell believe very strongly that no Australian should pay a dollar more in tax or receive a dollar less in social security by virtue of his or her sexuality.”

[Link: Original Article]